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Listen…Then Listen Some More

74 Comments / Family Life, Parenting, Teens, Young Adults / By

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I recently read a story in the book The Art of Friendship by Roger Horchow. It went like this:

My friend Dick Bass (now into his seventies) has traveled far and wide and had many adventures. His achievements include being the first person to climb the highest peak on each of the seven continents, as well as being the oldest person (by five years) to climb Mount Everest (at the age of fifty-five.)

He once told me a story of a plane ride, on which he sat next to a nice man who listened to him go on about the treacherous peaks of Everest and McKinley, the time he almost died in the Himalayas, and his upcoming plan to re-climb Everest. Just before the plane landed, Bass turned to the man sitting next to him and said, “After all this, I don’t think I’ve introduced myself. My name is Dick Bass.” The man shook his hand and responded, “Hi, I’m Neil Armstrong. Nice to meet you.”

As parents, we are all too often guilty of the same missed opportunities. We talk so much that we forego the chance to learn something about our son or daughter.

If we will practice some restraint in sharing all we know or feel, we may find that we are being educated on something we had never considered before. We might discover a new depth or struggle in this person we believed we knew so much about. We could even have our minds and hearts changed.

Here are three simple adjustments to our listening skills that we can all try on for size this holiday season.

  1. Square up – Don’t be guilty of the unintended cold shoulder. Regretfully, we are regularly found scrolling through our phone or typing on a computer while someone is talking to us. Instead, raise your eyes to look into theirs. Square your shoulders to the person who is talking. It will most likely produce a pleasant shock.
  1. Ask for more – Asking a clarifying question is a good place to start, but inquiring about how this or that made them feel, or what their next move will be is a giant step up in the level of concern and interest.
  1. When there is a pause, zip it – Restraint should be our mantra. Do not jump in with something similar that happened to you. And for heaven’s sake, don’t top their story with one of your own. Wait. Mull over what they’ve said. Let it effect you. Our kids will either offer up further information, or they will feel satisfied that you have heard them and turn the questions and conversation back to you.

As a parent I understand the weighty responsibility we feel to teach our children. However, it can trick us into thinking we need to be on stage lecturing regularly. This usually yields a “Mom or Dad Deafness” result.

In my own life, I have found that even as a professional therapist, it’s difficult to be an excellent listener within your own family. The amount of contact we have creates a living and working side-by-side scenario.

Though it’s normal, it’s not desirable. Because time and relationships are fleeting. determine today that you will turn and face them, ask a question or two, and keep your mouth shut when that brilliant advice starts to bubble up.

I believe listening well is one of the greatest gifts we can give our loved ones this holiday.

To your family’s success and happiness,

 

Tim Thayne, Ph.D, LMFT

Founder/CEO

 

74 thoughts on “Listen…Then Listen Some More”

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  6. paulinehungerfor

    By Ben Kellerman

    NEW YORK, Nov 8 (Reuters) – Pablo Picasso´s 1932 painting “Femme à la montre” sold for more than $139 million on Wednesday at a Sotheby´s New York auction, making it the most valuable work of art sold globally at an auction this year.

    The work is a standout of New York City´s fall art auction season, seen by many as a bellwether for the art market. It went under the hammer as part of an estimated $400 million sale of the collection of late philanthropist Emily Fisher Landau.

    The nine-digit price made it the second most-expensive Picasso painting to sell at auction, behind “Les femmes d’Alger (Version ‘O’),” which fetched $179.3 million, including a buyer´s premium, at Christie´s in 2015.

    “Femme à la montre,” which translates from French to “Woman with a Watch,” is a portrait of the artist´s lover Marie-Thérèse Walter seated in a throne-like chair against a blue background. The titular wristwatch is a motif also seen in artwork Picasso made of his wife, Russian-Ukrainian ballerina Olga Khokhlova.

    Walter was 17 years old when she met the 45-year-old Picasso in Paris, and the two later entered into a secret relationship while he was still married to Khokhlova. Walter became his subject for a number of artworks, including the 1932 painting “Femme nue couchée,” which sold for $67.5 million at auction in 2022.

    Picasso painted “Femme à la montre” at a pivotal year in his career. At 50 years old, he had already achieved widespread fame by 1932 but ramped up his ambitions to silence critics who questioned “whether he was an artist of the past rather than the future,” according to the Tate Modern museum.

    Fisher Landau bought the painting from New York´s Pace Gallery in 1968 and kept it above the mantle in her Manhattan apartment, according to Sotheby´s.

    An anonymous buyer beat out two other bidders for the painting. (Reporting by Ben Kellerman; Editing by Rod Nickel)

  13. delmarwedding

    By Alexander Cornwell

    ABU DHABI, Oct 30 (Reuters) – The need for agreement to tackle global warming is “higher than ever”, but it has never been harder as the geopolitical backdrop complicates international cooperation, the European Union’s climate chief said on Monday ahead of next month’s COP28 summit.

    Climate Action Commissioner Wopke Hoekstra also said the EU would not accept an outcome at COP28 that only reached deals on less contentious topics – such as increased use of renewable energy – if it failed to solve tougher issues such as phasing out fossil fuels.

    “This is not an à la carte menu. It is actually all that is on the menu that needs to be delivered on,” he told Reuters on the sidelines of a preliminary COP28 gathering in Abu Dhabi ahead of the U.N. summit starting at the end of November.

    The challenge of getting countries to agree is all the greater as Israel has escalated its bombardment of Gaza, Russia’s war on Ukraine continues and tensions run high between the U.S. and China.

    At the same time as “geopolitically very challenging times” make agreement on the climate harder than ever, the need is “higher than ever,” Hoekstra said.

    Scientists have blamed global warming, caused by the burning of fossil fuels, for extreme weather this year, which is on track to be the hottest on record.

    Israel has so far rejected international calls for a temporary pause in its bombardment of Gaza and politicians have warned of the risk of a wider conflict.

    Tensions have also risen between Europe and China as Brussels investigates whether to impose tariffs on Chinese electric vehicle imports that it says are state-subsidised.

    China’s ambassador to the EU criticised the EU’s actions as “unjustified and regrettable,” cautioning last week against political confrontations jeopardising climate cooperation.

    “Global climate governance does not happen in a vacuum. One should not seek political confrontation on the one hand and expect unconditional cooperation on the other,” Fu Cong said.

    (Reporting by Alexander Cornwell; editing by Barbara Lewis)

  17. davido523725

    Nothing beats a Jet2holiday for just the two of you: a luxury escape together, perhaps a dreamy beach break, or happily strolling the cobbled streets of a new city.

    Whether you’re planning that memorable honeymoon, or simply a trip to spend some quality time together, Jet2holidays takes your perfect holiday and wraps it all up in one convenient, easy package.

    All the details are taken care of, with return flights, transfers and 22kg baggage included with your chosen accommodation.

    Searching for inspiration? Here are five romantic trips, from Jet2holidays, to set your heart on for an escape this year. And now is the perfect time to get some sunshine in your diary, with up to £120 off* all couples’ holidays in the Jet2holidays sale.

    An idyllic escape in sun-kissed Tenerife
    Part of the Jet2holidays Luxe Collection of four and five-star properties, Gran Meliá Palacio de Isora offers exquisite palatial design and a stunning seafront location, set between a lush banana plantation and the marble blue expanse of the Atlantic.

    Claim a spot on the sun loungers and day beds by the longest saltwater infinity pool in Europe, while the expansive Spa by Clarins awaits for relaxation and exquisite treatments.

    After days on the beach, by the pool, or playing golf nearby, indulge in a world of cuisines with a selection of restaurants serving everything from local Canarian dishes to Provencal, Italian and Asian flavours.

    Sun-kissed Tenerife: Kick back and relax at Gran Meliá Palacio de Isora, overlooking the Atlantic

    Old-world romance in the Eternal City
    When in Rome… why not live it up in palatial style? Villa Agrippina Gran Meliá is a sumptuous spot, providing the perfect retreat after a day out exploring. 

    Built in the classic Roman style, the villa’s terracotta walls and interior splashes of gold recall the glamour and luxury of old Rome. Step into the lush gardens and you’ll find a pool for sun-splashed afternoons and sun loungers under opulent pergolas.

    Take a break from the buzz of the city at the fantastic spa, My Blend by Clarins, which also comes with a Turkish bath, whirlpool and massage treatments. Combine this with a great location, within reach of Vatican City and the Spanish Steps, and you have all the makings of a luxurious city break for two.

    Head there with Jet2CityBreaks, and book a hassle-free ABTA and ATOL-protected package complete with flights, 22kg baggage included, a choice of hand-picked hotels and lots of great flight times for a deposit of just £60pp, before spreading the cost of the rest with convenient monthly payments**.

    Roman romance: Villa Agrippina Gran Meliá offers a lush escape from the buzz of the city

    Unbridled luxury on the Turkish Riviera
    Acanthus & Cennet Barut Collection belongs to Indulgent Escapes by Jet2holidays, a hand-picked selection of five-star hotels in exclusive locations, offering superior service and attention to the little details that you enjoy.

    Set overlooking an expansive infinity pool and private beach, with swim-up suites and stylish rooms, this is the perfect romantic retreat in the charming beach resort of Side.

    Here, you can enjoy an All Inclusive Plus stay and savour gourmet cuisine from around the world at the five distinctive restaurants. Choose from Turkish, Italian, Mediterranean and Asian flavours, sip cocktails at the four elegant bars, or stroll into nearby Side.

    Turkish luxury: Acanthus & Cennet Barut Collection offers swim-up suites and gourmet food

    A rustic retreat in Cyprus
    Escape to this stone-built villa and enjoy sweeping views of coast and countryside from the balconies and terraces.

    You’ll find four-bedroom Petrides Villa Paphos in the heart of the rolling Argaka countryside outside the resort city of Paphos. Sleeping eight, with four bathrooms and a lovely garden, this is the perfect retreat to share with other couples, set against a mountain backdrop.

    Spend days lazing on the sunloungers by your private pool, enjoy evenings cooking up a storm with the barbeque and dining al fresco, sipping sundowners in the charming outdoor bar area. Here, life takes a slower pace.

    Design your own private break with Jet2Villas – their packages include car hire, villa, return flights and 22kg baggage, plus free child places*** on some holidays, and they have dreamy properties in Europe’s best spots.

    Rustic Cypriot retreat: Petrides Villa Paphos lies in the heart of the rolling countryside

    Beach bliss in bohemian Ibiza
    Soak up the Ibiza ambience at the Amare Beach Hotel Ibiza, a stylish adults-only resort from the VIBE by Jet2holidays collection, which promises the coolest hotels in the best party locations.

    Gleaming white design, glass balconies and a chequered pool design set this spot apart, and it’s located right by San Antonio Bay, meaning the golden beach is mere steps away.

    Don’t miss the Belvue Rooftop Bar and the amazing infinity pool for spectacular views. And dusk is when it all happens, with sunset DJ sessions by the pool and rooftop dinners. 

    Take your pick from five fabulous restaurants and three bars at this incredible Ibiza oasis.

    Bohemian bliss in Ibiza: Amare Beach Hotel Ibiza is a stylish adults-only retreat near the beach

  21. leiakleeman5

    The island that the Tinakula volcano is on is currently uninhabited. The Tinakula volcano eruption of 1971 caused the island to be evacuated. Around 1840, the i
    Read more

    Volcanoes

    How will you classify volcanoes with no record of eruption?

    Asked by Wiki User

    They would be classified as extinct. Volcanoes with recorded eruptions – but nothing ‘recent’ would be classed as dormant.

  22. estelafrizzell

    Lady Gaga and Joaquin Phoenix were shown as their characters in the upcoming Joker sequel on Wednesday in photos shared by director Todd Phillips on social media.

    The 53-year-old director posted three photos of Gaga, 37, and Phoenix, 49, as Dr. Harleen Quinzel aka Harley Quinn and Arthur Fleck aka Joker from the upcoming film Joker: Folie à Deux.

    ‘Hoping your day is full of love. 10.4.24,’ Phillips wrote as a caption on the Valentine’s Day post for his roughly 644,000 followers.

    Joker: Folie à Deux is a sequel to the 2019 film Joker and is scheduled to be released on October 4, 2024, by Warner Bros. Pictures.

    Phillips along with the photos included a dateline of Gotham City, which is the fictional city in DC Comics best known as the home of superhero Batman.

    Lady Gaga and Joaquin Phoenix were shown as their characters in the upcoming Joker sequel on Wednesday in photos shared by director Todd Phillips on social media

    The lead photo showed Phoenix in full Joker makeup wearing a red suit while standing next to Gaga as Harley who also sported read and white face paint.

    A black-and-white photo featured Joker and a smiling Dr. Quinzel touching noses while separated by prison bars.

    Harley Quinn was created for Batman: The Animated Series that first aired on Fox Kids in September 1992 as Joker’s sidekick and love interest and the character later started appearing on the pages of DC Comics in 1999.

    Her comic books origin story has Dr. Harleen Quinzel as a psychiatrist at Gotham City’s Arkham Asylum who falls in love with her patient, the Joker, and becomes his lover and accomplice while assuming the identity of Harley Quinn.

    A third black-and-white photo showed Joker and Harley dancing on a rooftop under a giant full moon.

    Phillips in December also shared promotional images of Gaga and Phoenix on Instagram.

    ”Wishing everyone a happy holiday and a beautiful new year. Oct 2024,’ he wrote as a caption.

    The 2019 Joker film that Phillips directed and co-wrote with Scott Silver, 59, ended with the Joker being treated at Arkham after committing murder and inspiring a deadly riot.

    The 53-year-old director posted photos of Gaga, 37, and Phoenix, 49, as Dr. Harleen Quinzel aka Harley Quinn and Arthur Fleck aka Joker from the upcoming film Joker: Folie à Deux

    A third black-and-white photo showed Joker and Harley dancing on a rooftop under a giant full moon

    Phoenix is shown in a still from the 2019 film Joker

    Lady Gaga is shown with Bradley Cooper in the 2018 film A Star Is Born

    Phoenix won the Academy Award for Best Actor for his work in Joker.

    Gaga starred in the 2018 film A Star Is Born and became the first woman in history to win an Academy Award, Grammy Award, BAFTA Award and Golden Globe Award in a single year for her acting and soundtrack contributions. 

    Joker: Folie à Deux also stars Zazie Beetz, 32, who will reprise her role of Sophie Dumond from the first film.

    The 2019 film Joker became the first R-rated film to gross over $1 billion.

    Lady GagaWashington DCJoaquin Phoenix

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